charles said something that REALLY fricked me up yesterday. i was force-feeding him pictures and videos from my 1d shows (see above) and kicking my feet in the air about how louis is ALWAYS singing with his hand on his stomach as if he is BODILY PUSHING THE MUSIC OUT OF HIS MOUTH-HOLE, and charles was like, “oh, yeah, they made us do that in glee club sometimes so that you’re aware of your diaphragm and keep your technique and breathing in check. it’s a training thing, although ppl usually don’t do it during performances.”
so NATURALLY now i am in a TERRIBLE DEATH SPIRAL of louis “i’d rate my chances at about zero” tomlinson, 18 years old, got accepted to the x-factor even though he’s not real sure HOW, and outwardly he’s protecting himself in EVERY WAY HE CAN THINK OF which is mainly to rely on being PERSONABLE and GREGARIOUS and ASSUME DEFEAT IS INEVITABLE SO IT STINGS LESS IF (WHEN) IT COMES, but at the same time he’s being taught proper singing technique for the first time and QUIETLY LATCHING ONTO IT LIKE A BILLION-LIMBED OCTOPUS, like FULL-ASS INTERNALIZING ANY ADVICE AND POTENTIAL ADVANTAGE HE CAN GET, especially now that it’s not just HIM but he’s part of a GROUP and even if he doesn’t BELIEVE IT he still wants to DO SO GOOD, WANTS IT SO BAD, AND AS A RESULT FINDS HIMSELF PRESSING HIS LIL PAW INTO HIS STOMACH DURING PERFORMANCES SO FORCEFULLY LIKE HE CAN PHYSICALLY EXPEL THE WANT OUT OF HIM THAT WAY.
AND HOW FOUR YEARS LATER HE’S STILL DOING THAT SAME GODDANGED THING, AS A SAFETY NET OR A NERVOUS HABIT OR A HOLDOVER FROM A BOY WHO WAS SO SURE HE WAS DOOMED BEFORE HE EVEN STARTED AND IS NOW A BAJILLIONAIRE SUPERSTAR BUT STILL FEELS THE NEED TO APOLOGIZE IN THEIR FEATURE-LENGTH MOVIE TO THE PLAIN WHITE TEES FOR HIS AUDITION SONG ANYWAY. LOUIS TOMLINSON: ADULT MAN, HUMAN BEING (?) WITH HABITS AND THOUGHTS AND COMPLEXITIES AND INTERNALIZED COPING MECHANISMS, A TANGLE OF WIRES AND SHORT FUSES AND SCRABBLED-TOGETHER CONNECTIONS. I AM IN A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN AND REQUIRE IMMEDIATE MEDICAL ATTENTION.